Diagnose Your Situationship's Loop

A rapid multiple-choice diagnostic that types the reality-TV toxic loop you (or your situationship) are running. Questions are Love-Island-coded (They pull back the second you show interest in someone else — what happens next?) and each answer maps to a named loop: The Zach Reassurance Spiral, The Casa Amor Backslide, The Slow Fade With Extra Steps. The result card names your loop, a one-line textbook behavior caption, and a % match, styled like the pop-psych threads viewers post nightly. Output is the diagnosis card you drop in the group chat captioned this is literally [name]. Funny because …