Which Mall-Rampage Swatch Buyer Are You?

The user answers eight multiple-choice questions about their drop-chasing instincts (Q: it's 4am, you're outside the Westfield, the gate is rattling — what's in your hand? A: a folding chair / a power bank / a coffee for the security guard / your mom's credit card), and is assigned one of twelve hand-authored archetypes (The Ankle-Tangled Camper, The Calm eBay Flipper, The Bewildered Mom Holding The Bag, The Discord Captain Who Has Never Worn A Watch). The diagnosis comes back as a colorful Swatch-style watch-face card with the archetype name where the brand would be, a Swatch-themed strap pat…