Trader Joe's mini tote drop chaos

The user swipes through a deck of escalating "what I'd do to get the $2.99 mini tote" scenarios — line up at 6am, pay a reseller $40, befriend a crew member, fistfight a stranger over the last one, drive to a second store. Each card is a like/nope swipe. Their pattern of yes/no maps them to one of eight pre-built shopper profiles ("Casual Bystander," "Resale Goblin," "Tote Cartel Lieutenant," "It's Just A Bag Person") with a tier badge and a one-line roast. The output card is the share because it ranks how unhinged you are over a bag that costs less than a coffee. Entry hook: the first card is…